Will you relationship/marriage last?

Will you relationship/marriage last?

:Dre: I know, I know! Everything starts off peaches and cream, you get married, then things just get crazy. All the problems come out the closet at once and ruin your happiness but it’s always, always good in the beginning.

I won’t sugar coat anything, here are the facts:

The rate of divorce among African American couples is at 36% and rising. (That’s 358 per 1000 Black couples; the rates are higher in cities!).
55% of woman will raise children by themselves.
43% of marriages end before the 15 year mark.
Second marriages are 40+% less likely to survive than a first marriage.
Children from divorced families have a risk of divorce that is 2 or 3 times greater than children from married parent families (Ranging from mistrust to drug & alcohol issues).

Currently, there is a high probability that you “Will” get divorced at least once in your lifetime.
As you can see, divorce tears apart the fabric of African Americans families. Studies show it is increasingly clear that divorce also affects the health of many leading to increased behavioral, emotional, and psychiatric burdens, also increased rates of suicide and health problems. Marital therapist and radio talk-show host Audrey Chapman worries about tomorrow. She says, "African-Americans are the most unpartnered group in America. Census figures show that 35% of Americans between 24 and 34 have never married. For African-Americans, that figure is 54%."Census Bureau statistics show that in 1998, 11.7% of blacks age 18 and over were divorced, compared with 9.8% for the general population. It's gotten worst. Chapman believes "the sexual revolution of the last two decades has wreaked havoc on black relationships." Young black women are now spending years getting an education and building a career. When they turn to thoughts of settling down, they find a small pool of marriageable black men... "Because available women so far outnumber them (1/25), many black men often say they see no reason to make long-term commitments," Chapman says, "They feel it's safer to 'couple for the moment' and move on."

My opinion is in vain to the number of relationships that have ended due to violence, infidelity, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, and just plain stupid people. Disclaimer: I'll start by saying I love relationships, I love to love the person I am with hard, love making my mate happy even if sometimes it doesn't benefit me, and when I love, I love hard (did I say that already). Just letting you know that I have no bias toward unity.

::Dre: What I am going to say may sting some people but my opinion on relationships will be broad so bog down with me. In the beginning of relationships, your mate is willing to do anything for you, the newness of a fresh relationship feels good because we can camouflage many of our flaws and only allow your mate to see the good side. This misleads and becomes a mirage, a mask that your mate falls in love with. In theory, when things go wrong, (which it will eventually) the person that you thought you knew, you really don’t know. Their actions are something that you’ve never seen before, rationality is out the door, my way or the highway is in overdrive! In these types of relationships, the couple only brought themselves in halfway, which will always lead to destruction of a relationship. People like to hit the EASY BUTTON from Staples when they don’t like something because it requires too much effort to actually make things work. Unfortunately, I know woman right now that would get with me and they are MARRIED if I allowed it (and I won't) which is sad. Bens states, "We now live in a society that thrives off of Instant Gratification. You can buy tickets to a game with a click of a button, get a new car in a matter of minutes, plan and pay for a trip faster than you can blink, thanks to technology. I believe that people have taken these (get it now) getifications and brought them into their relationships. We'd rather take more than we can give, as though it's about what a person can do for you. I believe that one party in the relationships that do fail are spoiled, my way or highway as previously stated. Also, you can tell if someone else is in the picture because they will use little slang words that weren't in their vocabulary before, just pay close attention, and your threat is usually at their job, haters!"

Besides, who wants to work on a relationship when you can go out and find someone else that’s willing to do what you want to do. I am not knocking this at all, but I do bring up a good point, what happens when there is that “one thing” this new person doesn’t want to do? Judging by statistics, back to the EASY BUTTON we go. Now here is the dilemma when time passes… I don’t want to grow old alone SO I’ll just get with this or that person. What have you accomplished, other than children, if that? I understand my experience is not that of many people, however, I do my research and have family and friends of all ages that experience these issues. Age doesn’t mature a person, I know of a 50 y/o that wants to be my age, trust me. Does a person with a bunch of failed relationships have more knowledge? Does it really make them wiser?

::Gaines: “NO, it doesn’t make you smarter or wiser as much as you may think it possibly could. You will always deal with someone else's issues and spend all your time trying to figure them out, but if you already have a complex, it won't work cause you will constantly accuse them about things they didn't do or might do. Love hides all flaws and that's the problem for the ones that really love a person. Their partners will never allow themselves to see that."

Think about this before hand…
Speaking as a resident for the Washington Metropolitan Area, the biggest risk of your exploration can leave you with something you can’t get rid of. The biggest of these being HIV, the virus that causes AIDS. No one is a stranger to DC being the highest area in the country for this. Fortunate enough, my sister-in-law actually works in a HIV clinic and in her words, “They look just like anyone you’d see on the street, at work, or in the club!” You think they will care about giving you something? Guess again... I shouldn’t have to go into detail about the other STDs that like to stay around undetected and mess up your LIFE!!! Even the simplest STDs left untreated can cause serious problems.

Enough of the scare tactics; looking at these statistics simply disgust me. Any relationship should be treated as a model for marriage. You practice how you play, and if your already playing, stay in the game! If you simply think that you are going into a relationship minus problems, you’re just kidding yourself. EVERY relationship/marriage takes work from both parties. Self help and inspiration books are a ploy to make money, it is information your mother or father can tell you about. The only real self help book that you can possibly get that would convince me of your effort is the best selling book of all time, THE BIBLE. A very wise woman told me to read ICorinthian 13:1 with a very good friend which help ME to understand real love and hopefully you will pull from it too! Let your problems go and let GOD work that relationship/marriage. Remember, you loved that person for a REASON. Run now and you’ll run all your life. I know people that are in a relationship/marriage that worked through their problems and when I asked how they did it, why they did it, I get one simple answer, "Because I love them and am willing to make this work, when the smoke clears, it's all about me and my mate! Nothing and no human is perfect." These are the testimonies that help me continue to believe in love. People take for granted this courtship, the blessing that takes place when you get married, please embrace it! Lastly, think about the children if you have kids because it’s not about you anymore. Even though you can’t see it, the child is mentally scared which only continues this vicious cycle. So men, before you want to go get a taste test of that chick in the club that's backing it up on you, taking you out to lunch and dinner, treating you to concerts and movies, trust you aren't the first she's done that for, ladies, because he makes you laugh, drive a nice car, buys you lunch, takes you to dinner, has his own crib, trust you aren't the first that's been in there BUT it’s always, ALWAYS good in the beginning. Don't find yourself in a episode of "Trapped in the Closet" by R. Kelley. Protect Yourself! Keep your house a home Brothers and Sisters, you should hold on.